The First Step: Talking with Your Family

Organ and tissue donation is a positive subject. It is a subject of life. It is a subject of human caring. It is a subject of love. This guide is designed to help you encourage and lead a discussion of donation in your family. Although some members of your family may be afraid to talk about donation, you may be able to help them overcome their fear and discuss the issue openly.

There are many ways to approach the subject of organ and tissue donation with your family.
  • Set a time for the discussion and ask each family member to think about his feelings and questions beforehand. These questions can be used to break the ice and begin discussion.
  • Bring up the subject one evening to test your family's reaction. If they seem interested, go on as long as the discussion continues. You may have to mention the subject a time or two before your family becomes used to the idea.
  • Bring up the topic in relation to other events-a news story, the death of a celebrity or someone the family knew. It may be less difficult for members of your family to discuss donation in relation to an event or a story than it would be to think of themselves.
What to Expect
Once you've decided to begin the discussion, you should be prepared for a variety of reactions. It is quite possible that someone will become upset or anxious during the discussion.

If someone becomes upset, remain calm. Find out gently why the person is upset. Remember the "positive approach" and try to point out that the conversation is really about giving life to other human beings. If this positive approach does not work, respect the person's wishes to leave the room or to end the conversation. Perhaps he or she will be able to discuss the subject at another time or one-on-one rather than in a family setting.

Another possible reaction to the subject is humor. You may find that someone in the family will begin to make jokes about donation in order to deal with his or her own anxiety about the issue. The humor may be a way to lighten the mood. This reaction is normal. Do not overreact to the jokes by making the person feel uncomfortable. If you continue on a serious note, the rest of the family will follow your lead.

How to Listen and Respond
Throughout the discussion, you will serve as a leader, keeping the conversation calm and focused. The best way to do this is to listen carefully to each person and to respond without judging. If someone expresses an opinion with which you disagree, it is important for you to recognize each person's right to his or her individual point of view.

If someone in the family becomes upset with someone else's opinion, it will be important to point out that there are no right or wrong answers in this discussion. Everyone should feel comfortable to express an opinion without fear of criticism. The important thing is to discuss the issue openly and to learn how each family member feels about donation.